Are You Resisting Change or the Person Driving It? Understanding Your Frustrations

Change often arrives uninvited, wrapped in promises of improvement and progress. Yet, when a new initiative is announced, many of us feel a knot of frustration, distrust, or even resentment. You might find yourself thinking: Why wasn’t I consulted? How will I find time for this with everything else on my plate? And why does this have to come from someone I barely get along with? These feelings are common, but they raise an important question: are you resisting the change itself, or the person behind it?

Understanding the root of your resistance can help you navigate these emotions and respond more constructively. This post explores the difference between resisting change and resisting the individual driving it, why this distinction matters, and how to move forward when both feelings are present.

Why Resistance to Change Happens

Resistance to change is a natural human reaction. It often stems from uncertainty, fear of the unknown, or a perceived threat to our routines and comfort zones. When a new initiative demands time and resources you don’t have, resistance can grow stronger. Here are some common reasons people resist change:

• Lack of involvement: When decisions are made without input from those affected, it feels like a loss of control.

• Competing priorities: You may already be stretched thin, making it hard to embrace additional tasks.

• Unclear benefits: If the advantages of the change are vague or seem unrealistic, skepticism rises.

• Past experiences: Previous failed initiatives can make you wary of new ones.

  
  

Recognizing these reasons helps you see that resistance is often about protecting your current stability rather than outright opposition to progress.

When Resistance Is About the Person, Not the Change

Sometimes, your frustration isn’t just about the change itself but the person leading it. This can happen if you:

• Distrust their motives: You might question whether they have your best interests at heart.

• Disagree with their style: Their communication or leadership approach may clash with your preferences.

• Have a history of conflict: Past negative interactions can color your perception of their initiatives.

• Feel overlooked or undervalued: If you feel ignored or disrespected by this person, resistance can become personal.

  
  

This kind of resistance is more emotional and tied to relationships rather than the actual content of the change.

How to Identify What You’re Really Resisting

It’s not always easy to tell whether your resistance is about the change or the person. Here are some ways to clarify your feelings:

• Reflect on your reactions: Are you upset about the change’s demands or the way it was introduced?

• Separate the message from the messenger: Try to evaluate the initiative on its own merits, ignoring who proposed it.

• Ask yourself what you fear losing: Is it your time, your influence, or your trust in leadership?

• Consider your past experiences: Are you reacting to this situation or to previous disappointments with this person?

  
  

Discussing your feelings with a trusted colleague can help you gain perspective.

Practical Steps to Move Forward

Once you understand the source of your resistance, you can take steps to address it constructively.

If You’re Resisting the Change

• Seek clarity: Ask questions to understand the goals, timelines, and expected benefits. Ask who is in charge for the different change aspects.

• Request support: Identify what resources or help you need to manage the new demands. Circle back about the unanswered requests, keep a timeline of your communication and attempts at contributing to the change.

• Prioritize tasks: Work with your manager to adjust your workload if possible. Keep a decision list for when a process gap is identified to help answer the question, "why did we not do this?" or "why has this not been completed yet?" Many times changes are happening at an accelerated rate and managers can sometimes lose track of what they instructed their team to focus on. Keep your bottom covered.

• Look for small wins: Find ways to engage with the change that feel manageable and rewarding. Keep track of what you did so you can leverage it during your performance review.

  
  

If You’re Resisting the Person

• Focus on professionalism: Keep interactions respectful and task-oriented.

• Build empathy: Try to understand their perspective and pressures from the executives.

• Set boundaries: Protect your time and energy without being confrontational.

• Find allies: Connect with others who share your concerns to gain support and insight.

  
  

When Both Are True

It’s common to feel resistance to both the change and the person. In this case:

• Separate your emotions: Acknowledge your feelings without letting them control your actions.

• Communicate openly: Share your concerns honestly but constructively.

• Stay solution-focused: Concentrate on what you can influence rather than what you can’t.

• Practice patience: Change and relationships both take time to improve.

  
  

Why Understanding Your Resistance Matters

Knowing whether you resist change or the person behind it can:

• Help you respond more effectively.

• Reduce unnecessary conflict.

• Improve your work relationships.

• Increase your ability to adapt.

• Lead to better outcomes for you and your team.

  
  

Resistance is not a sign of weakness or failure. It’s a signal that something needs attention, whether it’s your workload, communication, or trust.

Take a moment to reflect: Next time a change feels overwhelming or frustrating, pause and ask yourself what you’re really resisting. This awareness can be the first step toward turning frustration into progress.

If you find yourself stuck, consider reaching out to a mentor, coach, or trusted colleague. Sometimes an outside perspective can help you see the situation more clearly and find a path forward.